80% of you are lame. Here's the science.

"Loping Camshaft" (Loping_Camshaft)
12/17/2015 at 16:54 • Filed to: None

The choices in Doug’s top 20 list show a key problem with Democracy: low information voters. This list represents the Trump supporters of the car world. Lacking creativity, style, and substance. In the parlance of Alex Roy: Cowards.

Most of the choices are pretty uninspired; they are new or recent models or one-trick ponies (appealing to one segment or have one intended use) or too similar to cars he has already had. The way I have it scored, there are about four solid choices, give or take. In order:

Lancia Delta Integrale

Original Mini

Lotus Esprit

Citroen DS

And the DS is on the bubble. An old Viper could be fun, but I think Doug would hate it and never drive it (like the Hummer). An old Rolls could be fun, maybe do an Uber story or a prom limo story, but I’d be scared for Doug’s wallet.

The point is that Doug should stop messing around and buy an Integrale. Since it will come in well under budget and Doug loves to travel, make another story about the import process. Travel to Europe; find Delta in a given country; drive around Europe’s great roads, locales, and sights, deal with hilarious language barriers and endless forms; ship to America; street park in Philly. Each of those is at least 3 articles.

EDIT:

The one choice I was reminded of that I forgot to suggest was the Pinzgauer (or similar Volvo). I’m glad that somebody suggested it, because it would be great, especially in contrast to the Hummer.

DISCUSSION (61)

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 16:56

You dam 20%ers

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 16:59

Right? He should get whatever he wants, but as nomination go these are mostly a bunch of boring cars that you see at every show. I love most of them, but c’mon folks, use your imagination.

For Sweden > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 16:59

And the DS is on the bubble

bro

Future next gen S2000 owner > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:02

Sorry boss, your science sucks.

Citroen DS? Lulz

Lotus Esprit? Unless it is from the TG Argentina shit show, it is a slower, less reliable version of the 360 he bought.

Original Mini? Not interested in a 50 year old econobox.

Lancia Delta Integrale? Maybe, but the import angle has already been done and DeMurano ain’t driving it around Africa or Europe.

Loping Camshaft > For Sweden
12/17/2015 at 17:04

Think about it. Sure it could be interesting for you or I to own, but there isn’t as much materiel there for Doug to write about for year.

Sure there would be vists to mechanics, but other than that, maybe just an article/video about random people’s reactions and having friends attempt to drive it. It’s a nice cushy cruiser that looks weird. Not fast, loud, or sporty to drive.

Twinpowermeansoneturbo > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:05

So does he have to adhere to the rank in choosing, or is he choosing any of those?

djmt1 > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:06

I was big on the pre-war bandwagon so to see the Model T dismissed for such a shitty reason burns me.

MultiplaOrgasms > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:07

I remain in the 2CV camp. Immensely versatile, readily available and relatively cheap compared to most of the others, perfect antithesis to the Skyline and american cars in general. Other A-Types are also a possibility: 2CV Van, Dyane, AMI series, M35 .

Definetely the M35.

As long as he doesn’t just go with the most popular one, but his personal favourite I’ll be satisfied.

Loping Camshaft > Twinpowermeansoneturbo
12/17/2015 at 17:08

I don’t think he ever said he was bound by anyone’s choice, but doing his suggestion articles might give him an idea of what people actually want to read about. He then would compare that to a list he already had.

My conspiracy theory is that he already chose months ago and is well into his process and just offered the suggestion article to make people feel like they have a say. So a Democracy like when Saddam got 100% of the vote.

Brickman > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:09

Still think he should have a Chevy SSR.

Berang > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:11

Kinja'd!!!

And of course he just writes off the most interesting, and popular suggestion.

Twinpowermeansoneturbo > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:12

I thoroughly enjoyed that simile.

PS9 > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:12

Kinja'd!!!

I thought that hideous thing you posted last week was a shop or something...but it’s not. Someone spent money and time pulling this eldritch abomination out of the black void and into our realm to exist as a real object!

That’s it. Somebody needs to not have access to money anymore. Not if this is what they’re going to do with it.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:14

I suggested a trio of Soviet cars for sale at the same dealership.

People suck.

nermal > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:14

I wanna see a 90s RR / Bentley. They are out there, advertised for < $25k from shady used car lots like “Extreme Super Mega Deal Motors. (We finance anybody!)“.

Loping Camshaft > Future next gen S2000 owner
12/17/2015 at 17:16

The DS just becasue it is totally unique in the US.

I was thinking the old S2 or S3 Esprit Turbo (though I like the V8s too). Nothing at all like the 360.

Kinja'd!!!

If you’re not intrigued with the articles that Doug would come up with the OG Mini, you need to expand your imagination. That would probably be the funniest car on the list to read about.

The Integrale would be awesome and the “European Delivery” would be an excellent change of pace. I wished that Doug had traveled to Japan (or even the UK) to get his Skyline. He already travels to Europe every year, why not buy a fun car and drive it around?

Loping Camshaft > nermal
12/17/2015 at 17:17

Yeah I could be okay with that. Some of those Bentley’s were pushing a LOT of power and torque from that 6 3/4 litre.

DoYouEvenShift > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:17

Kinja'd!!!

Still think this is the best choice. Im sure he can find one somewhere. Who wouldnt want read about Dougs adventures in a 1000hp TT first gen Viper.

Loping Camshaft > PanchoVilleneuve ST
12/17/2015 at 17:18

That could be fun, but maybe too hard to live with? Not sure if it would be fun for a year though.

Loping Camshaft > PS9
12/17/2015 at 17:22

Exactly my thoughts. I’m not sure why anybody thought it was a good idea to take one of the best looking modern sports/supercars and do THAT to it.

duurtlang > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:23

Agreed, mostly. Cars like the Viper, Hellcat and V8 Vantage would be more of the same and, well, boring in this context. He needs an oddball. T Ford would be too impractical to actually use.

PS9 > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:26

It’s been Will.I.Am’d.

Loping Camshaft > Twinpowermeansoneturbo
12/17/2015 at 17:26

The same mentality is the only reason I can explain some of the choices on this list. Although... Trump did have a Diablo....

Loping Camshaft > Berang
12/17/2015 at 17:31

I starred it too but in his article he did explain why the stars (or YouTube thumbs-up or retweets) shouldn’t be factored in.

If he took the top 100 choices and then everybody could vote on their top 5 or something, that would be the most fair and representative.

The Model T would be interesting to read and write about though. Learning how to drive it, finding some 90 year old mechanic to fix it, and classic car meets would all be fun to read.

Loping Camshaft > Brickman
12/17/2015 at 17:32

Honestly, there could be some good material there. And values on the V8 6-speed are steady and maybe moving up. I’d rather read about that than a Hellcat.

Brickman > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:34

Also trying to use it as a truck :)

Berang > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:34

His reasoning is of course totally wrong, so my point stands.

Decay buys too many beaters > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:34

I think one thing that is going to severely limit the “coolness” of the car is Doug’s inability to work on them. Many of these would be expensive to own and drive with any regularity. Not to mention the trouble finding a shop to work on a an old Citroen/Lancia/Lotus/OG Mini. Pretty sure nearly all of these stateside are serviced by their owners.

Loping Camshaft > MultiplaOrgasms
12/17/2015 at 17:36

Haha, today I learned about the M35.

The 2CV would be fun, but A) I think Harris already won that game with his videos and B) I think it would be hard to live with in the US. We saw how much of a hassle it was for Doug to drive the Hummer given how slow it was. I think it would be a chore for somebody like him to live with.

That’s not to say me or you wouldn’t have fun with it.

Loping Camshaft > djmt1
12/17/2015 at 17:38

I feel you. I wouldn’t mind a pre-war car too, and not necessarily a Model T either. Doug’s budget would open up a lot of options, but I’m not too knowledgeable about that era.

Loping Camshaft > DoYouEvenShift
12/17/2015 at 17:41

I remember being blown away by those cars in DuPont registry. 1,000HP!?!?! OMGWTFBBQ?!

Again though, I think it might be too hard to live with, especially in the middle of a big city like Philly. I want to see Doug suffer a little, but I want him to drive the car and have fun too. But it would be cool to see him do a 1/2 or 1 mile runway drag with a car like that....

Loping Camshaft > duurtlang
12/17/2015 at 17:44

My thoughts exactly.

Not to say I wouldn’t like a Viper, Hellcat, or Vantage (drooooool) for myself, but anybody get go downtown and buy those.

Also I come to it with a mindset of documenting a given car. The more modern cars have lots of video reviews and people doing crazy stuff with them already. But there isn’t good video or articles about a lot of those older cars.

Loping Camshaft > PS9
12/17/2015 at 17:44

Haha pretty much.

Loping Camshaft > Brickman
12/17/2015 at 17:45

Yeah exactly. And drag racing it with a load of Ikea in the bed.

Loping Camshaft > Berang
12/17/2015 at 17:46

I don’t disagree, that’s why the survey is the best idea. Then again, he never said he would buy whatever was most popular.

DoYouEvenShift > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:51

Dupont Registry! Is that still in print? I spent many hours in the magazine isle of various supermarkets as a child lusting after everything in there.

Come on man! You would have to try very hard to have a bad time in that car.

Think of the articles. Dyno test, 1/4, 1/2, 1 mile blasts, autocross events.

Drive around with no hood and you would get more attention than the 360.

Loping Camshaft > Decay buys too many beaters
12/17/2015 at 17:54

Nah, in a big city like Philadelphia, there are bound to be independent mechanics that would work on those cars. Most maintenance stuff is simple enough for any basic shop to handle anyway. Worst case scenario, he’s also close to a lot of other big cities that would be a few hours tow truck ride away in Jersey or other cities. It’s all part of the fun.

But that is a valid point for a normal person.

mazda616 > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 17:57

I was disheartened to see Viper at the top of the list. The experience with it would be largely the same as his experience with the Ferrari, I’d think. Getting asked questions at fuel ups, getting a lot of stares, exorbitant maintenance costs, etc.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 18:00

I don’t recall offering my opinion in his threads (I might have, I could have been drinking at the time) but I think the list of cars that he was given is the list of cars he needs to avoid. I liked the fact that Doug did weird, unexpected purchases like the Hummer and the R32 import, so I want him to just come up with his own idea because I’m sure something weird will come from that mind of his.

That said, I kind of want him to purchase something that’s German high-performance from CarMax - out of manufacturer warranty but CarMax-protected to see if these cars are really as bad on maintenance as they’re made out to be. The ideal purchase would be if CarMax still had Audi Allroads available with warranty.

Loping Camshaft > DoYouEvenShift
12/17/2015 at 18:01

Same here. And yeah it’s still in print (or online PDF anyway).

As for having a bad time, I mean driving it the city or dealing with what I imagine would be very delicate throttle and traction application (no TCS here).

Still a much better choice than most of those.

Here’s the 1,000hp ‘Murica Viper I remember:

Kinja'd!!!

SVS Twin Turbo Stryker

From dodgeviperhistoricalsociety.com hahaha

MultiplaOrgasms > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 18:02

If the chosen car does not present him with a challenge of some sort it’ll be utterly pointless.

Kinja'd!!!

Loping Camshaft > gin-san - shitpost specialist
12/17/2015 at 18:06

I seem to recall that the Skyline was a top choice last time, not sure about the Hummer.

The Carmax idea is fine, but he’s already doing the least reliable car possible with the Range Rover. And he’s said that they have now greatly raised the prices of their warranties, so the joke is kind of over.

That’s not to say that an E90 M3 with a warranty wouldn’t be fun for civilians, it’s just too easy for Doug

Loping Camshaft > MultiplaOrgasms
12/17/2015 at 18:07

Actually any of those car could be challenging to own in their own way...

But yes, very true.

Dusty Ventures > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 18:43

I’m still not giving up on the 600 horsepower rally Volvo...

(Or any caged rally car really)

Loping Camshaft > Dusty Ventures
12/17/2015 at 18:44

I mean sounds that’s awesome, but Doug said he barely drove the Hummer because it was so loud and difficult to drive and live with.

There would be money left in the budget to rally prep an Integrale or possibly find one already caged etc....

Dusty Ventures > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 18:48

The Volvo’s so cheap he could buy it and still get the Lancia. Also the Volvo would be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier to live with than the Hummer. It’s powerful enough to get out of it’s own way (and anything’s way really), it has decent visibility, it’s more comfortable, it’s not the width of a Canyonero. Really the biggest difficulty living with it would be dealing with getting in over the cage and doing the five point belts every time, but that’s part of what would make it such a good story.

Loping Camshaft > Dusty Ventures
12/17/2015 at 18:58

Fair point.

samssun > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 20:31

You do realize “low information voter” typically refers to the government-as-Santa crowd, right?

I’d put hipsteriffic choices like the Citroens in the Bernie Sanders camp: supporters think they’re being alternative, but it’s just tired old crap that went away for a reason.

Ariel Atom would be the combination Rand Paul / Eric Cartman choice: Freedom from crushing bureaucracy, or “F you, I do what I want!”

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 20:52

I guess I missed the vote on the Skyline or just plain forgot. I stand corrected.

Loping Camshaft > gin-san - shitpost specialist
12/17/2015 at 22:34

No worries. Out of curiosity, I decided to fact check myself and sure enough, when you click “All Replies” at the comments of his previous suggestion article, sure enough, R32 Skyline is the top comment.

http://jalopnik.com/help-me-choose…

Loping Camshaft > samssun
12/17/2015 at 22:41

Nah it applies to all types of people, but in this context I just meant that if you don’t “follow” politics, you still almost certainly have seen that Trump is running and making a lot of noise, good or bad. The race is still a popularity contest. That’s the only way to explain why Trump is leading; he’s just the most recognizable face/name.

And we don’t necessarily want Doug to have the “best” car, just the most interesting one.

samssun > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 23:27

The Atom is probably the only one on that list I find “interesting” in the sense of “I’d like to hear about someone daily driving it”. A 90s hero that everyone knows everything about doesn’t really appeal to me (I have a 300ZX), and getting something quirky that doesn’t do anything well just to pretend the quirks are fun doesn’t either.

Now, replace the Lancia Delta (a slower, rattier STI) with a Stratos and you’ll have my attention.

Loping Camshaft > samssun
12/17/2015 at 23:42

Well a Stratos might be a bit out of Doug’s price range.

An Atom would be fun too though.

samssun > Loping Camshaft
12/17/2015 at 23:59

So tell him to be funnier. Or buy one of those kit versions.

Nauraushaun > Loping Camshaft
12/18/2015 at 08:04

You’re frothing over the Lancia but pfft. It’s a reasonably fast hatch built in Italy. I don’t think it’s that interesting.

Loping Camshaft > Nauraushaun
12/18/2015 at 12:44

It’s not even that fast.

It’s interesting because they were never sold here. And they’re not known to be reliable. And it has hilarious turbo lag. And sounds awesome. Not to mention that it’s the winningest WRC car of all time.

And there isn’t much information on ownership (in English anyway) especially in the US. This is currently the most comprehensive video out there:

Nauraushaun > Loping Camshaft
12/18/2015 at 17:18

But I don’t think either of those things make for a particularly interesting ownership experience, the kind you can write articles about. The fact that it’s in America just means more expensive parts that are harder to find. The fact that it used to win races affects its value, but not much on the day-to-day.

The Ferrari, Hummer and GT-R are still interesting cars to own right now, I think the Delta doesn’t have that.

I do like them a lot though.

Doug DeMuro > PanchoVilleneuve ST
12/20/2015 at 00:24

FYI. I thoroughly browsed the inventory of that dealer and truly appreciated the suggestion. No joke.

Doug DeMuro > Berang
12/20/2015 at 00:25

But it doesn’t matter. I never promised to buy the most popular car — and I only have done so once out of four times. The Model T is just as much in contention as anything else near the top.

Berang > Doug DeMuro
12/20/2015 at 01:07

“Well, the truth is that I don’t choose my cars – you do.” - Doug Demuro.

You know, if you and the other Doug Demuros that post on Jalopnik had a simple way of differentiating yourselves from each other, all of this could be much simpler for the readers.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Doug DeMuro
12/20/2015 at 21:55

I STILL LOVE YOU DOUG!!!